Surviving the big days without Alcohol
Had the good fortune to catch my boyhood hero Rob Jones marry his beautiful missus Lydia this week. I was thinking ahead how I’m going to survive the day catching up with old friends, being perceived a miserable bastard for not drinking. I didn’t have much of a game plan; I didn’t really think what the triggers might be. But I did pick up a few ideas on the way so thought I’d sketch them down.
1# No one gives a damn you narcissist
I honestly don’t think anyone noticed. These things are a lot bigger in your mind than they are in real life. Much like that spot on your face. No one really cares as much about it as you do. Apart from that spot I had on the end of my nose in the Summer of 2015, that was offensive).
In my mind I imagined being encircled by a group of mates all goading me to drink aftershock against my will. Truth is, I can’t honestly think of a single person who noticed. Which was great.
2# Don’t take any cash
This worked for me because I had zero cash anyway. There were free cocktails available and free wine on the table, which was generous. However, the bar was not free. I drank water all night. You’ll have to also if you leave the wallet at home. There was a gentleman that came round with a tanker asking donations for the catering staff. There’s always one isn’t there.
3# Leave early
I did. Sorry, this is not uncommon for me to leave parties early, even when I was drinking. When I’m done I’m done. Lately I’m getting done earlier and earlier these days. You’ll find on the big occasions, as the night goes on the less sense people will make. You might miss out on some action, but really you’ll lose nothing by leaving early.
4# Ice and slice
I was holding a glass of water all night. Typically, I don’t do ice in water because it semi-defeats the idea of getting bottled water if you’re simply topping up with frozen tap water. However, stick ice and fruit in your glass and it gives the appearance that you’re enjoying a cocktail. Better yet, hold onto that non-alcohol cocktail all night and top up with water. People are less likely to give you grief if they think you’re drinking cocktails rather than mineral water.
5# Have fun you miserable bastard
I actually had a great time at the wedding. Despite not getting hammered, not dancing like a twat and leaving at 10.30pm.
If you try and have fun, forget about the drink, then it makes life a lot easier. Also people are less likely to bring it up if you’re joining in. It’s only when you exclude yourself as a social pariah that you’ll attract grief for being a miserable bastard. Deservedly so.
Ok that’s it from me for today, and probably the weekend. If there is anyone out there with some great tips on how to survive the big days without the need for alcohol, leave a comment below. Love to hear from you.
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